I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
