I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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