were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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