somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
