ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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