Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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