Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
