WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
