When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
