When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
