I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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