I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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