im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize