he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
