When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
