Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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