I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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