nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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