Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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