Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
