Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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