garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
