I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
