the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
