What did we do last night that was yellow?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
