you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
