i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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