My Higher Power is John Stamos
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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