I wish I could punch you in the face.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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