No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
