what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
