Can i not drive my cunt home
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
