if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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