the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
