Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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