Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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