So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
