is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
