Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
