proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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