I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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