Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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