I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
