fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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