Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize