I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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