i think my mom watched the whole time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
