Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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