I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
