Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
