The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
