Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore

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(323): View more from California

Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."

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(203): View more from Connecticut

walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!

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(518): View more from New York

apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party

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(817): View more from Texas

It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Too many margaritas?

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(330): View more from Ohio

Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese

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(815): View more from Illinois

The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...

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