You're so nebulous sometimes
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
