Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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