You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
