Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
