i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
