Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
