saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm having to shit out rocks
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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