so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
