How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
