i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
