Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
