I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
