i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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