I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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