your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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