Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
