We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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