We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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