So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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