I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
