i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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