end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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