Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
