So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
